Ahhh......It has been a busy day and I am finally getting a chance to relax for a second! Frank is upstairs with Frankie and Gigi getting them settled in for the night and I have decided to write a little while I have the chance!
These past few days I have been thinking about this past year and what it has meant to me and my family. I seem to be drawn back to the birth of Gigi almost a year ago. I remember at this time last year, I was looking forward to meeting Gia and to have some time off from my crazy life at work. I am having quite the time wrapping my mind around the fact that in a few short weeks my baby is going to be turning 1! All through my pregnancy, I kept telling myself that I was going to enjoy every single second of this pregnancy as well as every second of the next year with Gia. I have done just that but I think because I held on just a little tighter to Gia, knowing that she was my last baby, that it made the time go by just that much faster! As of today, she is now on table food 100% (no more baby food!), we are in the process of transitioning her over to milk from formula and she is starting to stand on her own and take a few steps by herself! I love seeing her grow and develope but at the same time I am sad that I know longer will have those experiences with another baby.
Which brings me to another thought I have been struggling with alot....having another baby. When Frankie was about 10 months old, we found out we were expecting again and there were alot of emotions surrounding this pregnancy. It was not planned but was a very nice surprise! I remember driving home from the doctor's office and calling my mom and asking her if she was ready to be a Grandmother again! We were just beginning to wrap our mind around the idea of another baby when I started having problems with the pregnancy. I miscarried at 12 weeks and my soul was broken. I have never experienced such physical as well as emotional pain in my life. We lost our baby the first part of December and I just remember telling Frank that I did not even want to celebrate my birthday or Christmas. Somehow we plugged through the holidays but I honestly don't remember much of them. When we found out we were pregnant with Gia, we were so excited! I did however, tell Frank, that no matter what the sex of this baby was, it would be our last. I just could not go through another loss of a child. So after I had Gia, I had my tubes tied and have felt very comfortable with my decision. These past few months though, I have been having serious doubts about my decision. My heart tells me that we should have had one more but my head tells me that we needed to be done. We are done having babies due to the surgery but I often wonder what it would have been like to have one more......
With these thoughts in mind, I am going to enjoy my babies as they grow as well as my husband as we get back to focusing on us. I am so blessed to have two amazing babies and a husband who loves me for me and who is wonderful to me as well as to our children! I am anxious to see what 2013 has in store for our family!
Love to you all!
Tina
